Man Law

I’ve been violated.

What’s the deal with guys sidling up with me in the bathroom lately??? We are living in a society people! The world has codes of conduct and that includes public restrooms. Men, you know what I’m talking about. Let’s all honor the buffer zone.

For the women… there are unspoken rules in the men’s room. We learn these things growing up. Nobody has to tell us, we just figure it out – well, most of us do. The most important rule is the Buffer Zone rule:

• If I walk into an empty restroom, I go to urinal A and leave B & C open. I do not go to B because that will force the next guy to A or C which are right next to me = buffer violation.

• If urinal A is occupied, I go to urinal C and leave B open – no need to stand right next to the guy at A = buffer violation.

• If there are only two urinals, using either one is fine (ya know, as long as it’s unoccupied), but I should position myself as far as possible from the other one.

• If there are three urinals and A & C are occupied, I’m screwed – just stand back and try to arc it in from three feet away.

See? It’s not complicated. That’s why I feel like I’m on Candid Camera when someone sidles up to me when there's another open urinal just RIGHT OVER THERE! Are they doing it just to get a reaction or what?

Guys, let’s all get on the same page on this and end the suffering. Thank you.