178

I've never been one to go to the doctor. Not regularly anyway. I mean, I'm not averse to going when I'm sick, but I've never gone just for a checkup. I've always said that if antibiotics were available over the counter, there's a pretty good chance I'd never go to the doctor at all.

That changed last week though.

I've been keenly aware of turning forty later this year (btw, why isn't it spelled fourty?), and all that goes along with that, including those regular doctor visits. I haven't done much about it until now though because hey "it's not like I'm forty or something!" So, that excuse dwindling, and the prodding from a buddy (maybe a poor choice of words there), convinced me to go ahead and schedule an appointment for a FULL (read: including the butt) physical. ugh. I wasn't sure what to expect really. So, I spent the days and night before the appointment googling.

The actual appointment turned out to be not so bad. To put it succinctly, though there was some of lovin, touchin and squeezin, there was no inserting. In fact, besides drawing some blood and putting a dozen electrodes on me for different tests, the majority of the appointment was just Q&A about family history, diet, exercise, bad habits, etc. And yes, I gave completely honest answers without any exaggeration (really!) because I really wanted an accurate assessment. If I'm gonna do it, might as well do it right...

I painted a pretty accurate picture of a guy who, while I don't have alot of bad habits, definitely does NOT work out and does NOT eat very well. I dictinctly pointed out that while I wasn't too concerned about the doctor finding anything seriously wrong from all this, I fully expected my cholesterol number to come back high and figured he was going to tell me I had to change the way I eat.

This is where things take an unexpected turn.

After checking me over and hearing my cholesterol/diet/i'm-ready-for-the-lecture schpiel, he waves his hand dismissively and says "Jeff, we'll see what the [cholesterol] numbers look like and I may tell you to watch what you eat, but honestly, there isn't alot you can do to change it. Your genes are the biggest factor in that. What you eat can make it a little higher or lower, but not significantly."

oooooooohkay, so...

"Don't worry about it. You're fine. I'll call you next week with your test results. If nothing comes up, we really don't need to do this again for two years."

I went home feeling pretty good, but still thinking that he just didn't understand how bad I eat. I don't eat vegetables. I exist on Mexican food, pizza and burgers. I pretty much always value size my combo. I figured once he got my test results, then he'd understand. So, I went home and did what any sane person would do - I told Jenny that we had to go to Mercado Juarez for dinner before the doc told me I couldn't!

Over dinner that night (and in fact all weekend), Jenny was peeved that the doctor had me there, in the office, admitting my guilt, ready to accept punishment, and he waved me off. She couldn't believe it. She accused me of lying to him. She argued over and over that this guy is a kook and she knew better. Most of all, she was defensive and scared (I tell ya, you could actually hear the fear in her voice) that her entire belief system of exercise and eating right could be dismissed by the very establishment she expected to reinforce it. I kept trying to clarify that he didn't dismiss it, only said that it wasn't as significant as genetics where cholesterol is concerned. She was too far gone though, hearing only the worst and freaking out. It made for interesting dinner conversation. And I'm pretty sure that she actually started to root against me at that point - "you just wait until he get's those test results!"

Fast forward to Monday afternoon. My phone rings, it's the lady from the doctor's office with my results. All tests came back negative (which is a positive in this case, whew!). Blood sugar: 89. Total cholesterol: 178.

:-O

I literally snickered and asked "Are you sure? What were the numbers?" When she repeated em and said how really good they were, I literally had to stop myself from laughing.

I guess what the doctor said is true: genetics trump everything.

Of course, I immidiately called the wife to share the good/unbelievable/ridiculous news. For some reason though, her congratulations just didn't seem sincere... she definitely left off the exclamation point.

:-D